A local photo booth owner made history Saturday night, completing a full blackout on the new Photo Booth Bingo card just 11 minutes after the booth opened at a wedding reception. The previous unofficial record was 14 minutes, set at a bar mitzvah with an open bar and an unusually tall uncle.

"I hadn't even finished taping down the cables," said Gary Flashman, owner of Say Cheese Supreme Booths, still holding a roll of gaff tape in disbelief. "I printed the card as a joke. I did not expect to need a second one by the cocktail hour."

Minute by minute

The streak began with the first guest, a groomsman who stepped in, looked directly at the floor, and asked, "Where do I look?" Seconds later, after the flash went off, he added, "I wasn't ready." Two squares down before the countdown timer had finished its first lap.

By minute four, a group of eleven cousins had attempted to enter a booth rated for six, demanding to know "How many can we fit?" while already inside. One of them leaned confidently against the backdrop, which promptly folded over like a cheap lawn chair. "I didn't know this backdrop wasn't a wall," she explained from the floor.

The middle stretch moved quickly. Guests requested, in order: to look younger, to look thinner, the removal of a double chin, and the addition of hair. "I run a photo booth, not a time machine," Flashman said. "The printer is good. It is not that good."

At minute nine, the aunt of the bride examined her print for a long moment, declared, "That looks nothing like me," and then asked for 10 copies. Her nephew followed up by asking whether entering his number for the digital gallery meant he would get spam texts. Moments later, he confirmed his eyes were closed in all four frames and requested a retake.

The final two squares fell almost at once. A guest tapped her foot through the processing animation and asked, "Can you speed it up?" Then the father of the bride pointed at the custom floral backdrop and said the words every owner knows by heart: "I want this for my house."

"It was beautiful," Flashman said quietly. "Like watching a solar eclipse, but everyone is wearing feather boas."

Dr. Penelope Snapworth of the entirely fictional Institute for Applied Smiling said the result surprised no one in her field. "Our research shows that guests have a 100% chance of saying 'my eyes were closed' at least twice per event," she said. "Honestly, that square should just be pre-marked."

What's next

Flashman plans to defend his title at a sweet 16 next weekend, where officials expect a strong showing in the "Can you make me look thinner?" and "How many can we fit?" categories. Asked whether he had any advice for fellow owners, he paused, reloaded the printer, and said, "Bring extra cards. And extra prints for the aunt."

This article is satire. Gary Flashman, Say Cheese Supreme Booths and the Institute for Applied Smiling are fictional. The guest quotes, sadly, are not.